by Chikodinnaka aka Young Sparrow aka Daddy Longstroke aka MyHeadisAStumblingBlock aka @Rikokomasta on Twitter
Do you long for someone to call you boo…boo cakes, leboo?
Do you long to have a face to attach when you day dream about skipping around in the garden, rainbow bouncing off yo forehead n sht, you know, imagining y’all at the beach, playing romance games with sand getting into your underwear so dangerously close to your genitals?
Are you tired of having 0 input when your friends in relationships be trading stories about their men and laughing and all you be doing is ordering for more icecream for the pain?
Well you’re in luck, cos im gona be giving you 10 sure ways to get you wifed!
So open that instagram account and tell your ex to stop holaring (thats not a word bro) cos yo man wont take lightly to it, we’re about to get you wifed
1.Don’t Stress him
They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is his stomach,
ehn!
Wrong,
his penis? (penis?..
close, but ehn! Wrong as well
the quickest way to a mans heart is peace of mind, when y’all start out, you know, jus kicking it n sht, theres more often than not gona be other bitches hes fuckin with, vying for his attention n what not, and at the end of the day, when he gona choose, hes gona choose using this criteria, in this order
a. Who stresses me the least? who can I call after a long day and just put my head on her boobies without her asking me questions and just let me lay here
b. Who fuck/pussy the best?
c. Who give a fuck about how she can cook, 360 delivery delivers doe (smh)
Now if you manage to be both (a) and (b) Christian sister blessed are you for you shall inherit the boo. (a) remains the most important as a is what main chicks are made of, and b is what side chicks are made of
2. Buy Him shit
3. Food
Now a lot of bitches underestimate the power of a sandwich, 2 slices of bread, and a something inbetween i.e sausage, slice of ham, fuck it, could be fucking sardines, something so little could hold the key to your facebook relationship status option.
A lot of bitches reading this and rolling they eyes talmbout this is overkill, that’s why you single, that kina attitude, cos if you had a man you prali would’t be reading this so listen to me ok?
Now, as I was saying, always have sandwich ingredients at the crib, if y’all spend more time at his crib then you buy bread and them sausages or whatever and keep in his fridge, now listen, whenever y’all bang, you get up, and you come back with a sandwich, I swear to you that nigga gon be visualizing you in some iro and buba and aso oke dancing at your engagement and shit, takes so little effort to make, but means so much, PLUS it gets nigga ready quicker to start that second round, or at least eat you out,
uhuh, yeh I said it
Always Always care/pretend to care about his feeding, cos guess what? He does, every chance you get find a way to slip in “have you eaten” “so what are you gona eat”
4. Divulge Information, especially the one he doesn’t ask for
Divulge info, like all that nigga has to say is “Hi” for you to tell him where you are, What you’re doing? And who you’re with, and then apologise for not telling him you were going somewhere he never asked, like “hey babe, I’m at Ikoyi, today’s my nieces naming ceremony, sorry I didn’t mention earlier, ma binu”
let that simmer
thats humility...like Ruth..thats Boaz put a ring on it
this way you’re already forcing nigga into a relationship with you and he don’t even know it, talmbout “aigh it’s cool” you can be like “Going to the cinema with Kemi and Biodun, Biodun was in my secondary school, his sister and I were flatmates in jand for a year…”
you getting my drift, you answer questions he’s too pussy or feels he has no right to ask you, again you showing him that hey boo….its cool, you don’t have no reason to be jealous or nothing, you got this, I’m all about you….boo. always explain your relationship to any nigga you speak of……….even if you gon lie, you don’t just leave it to his imagination. And don’t refer to any unknown nigga as ‘my friend’ or ‘a friend’, “Going to lunch with Dare, my friend”
TF that mean?? He aint yo man so he just gon be like “cool” and be thinking nah, she random, can’t deal with this
5.When y’all go out, kill it
Whenever y’all go out, at this time it wouldn’t be that many times considering how many other bitches he juggling, unless you that summer time postbadbitch I can’t wait to show my secondary school mates I’ve made it fine,
ANYWAYS
whenever y’all go out, you can’t afford to half step, you borrow that hair from your friend and then shoes from your sister, you always kill it, let that nigga start having dreams of being one part of a power couple n sht,
6. Offer to pay for shit
Now this is more of that ‘we’re in this together sht’ u know, no man wants a liability n sht, when you offer to pay for shit from time to time, even if he accepts or declines is irrelevant, makes him feel even when he not as boisterous, for lack of a better word for broke, y’all can still hang cos you not money grubbing or one chance or what not, or else when he don’t have that much money around you he gets uncomfortable and vulnerable, and no man likes being vulnerable ,so you show him that HEY…boo….i gatchu when need be…..even if you really don’t, know what I mean?
7. Support his favourite team
Now one time I overheard a goon and his girl talking so fervently with all seriousness and what not about fantasy league talmbout what players to buy an sht, now I didn’t know if this shit was cute or disturbing b, but that’s beside the point,
I aint asking you to be so indepth into sports your boobies start to shrink and you start getting muscle thighs and bicep arms, nawh, I’m saying be in tune with his favourite team, know when their games are on, be as up to speed as u can with their score line, that way when they lose or sht, you know if he an Arsenal fan for instance you know he gon’ be in a mood and gives you a chance to cheer him up and be the shining light at the end of his dark tunnel and what not,
Hey, you know what , buy yourself a jersey while you’re at it if you know you’re about that getting wifed life!
Go on girl, print yo name at the back as well, now I aint talking no baba suwe XXL jersey, im talking the tight cute ones that make yo boobies look so righteous
so when nigga looking to go out to some bar with his guys and he looking to show off a shiny accessory guess who he gon’ be looking to take, that’s right, you and your firm looking titties in yo tight ass jersey
8. Keep it classy with the guys
Repeat after me, I, AM, A, LADY, that’s right trick, you is a lady, even when it’s not convenient, ESPECIALLY when it’s not convenient, even when faced with the temptation to be ‘one of the guys’ no no no, this is one mistake a lot of eager beaver desperate to make a good impression I’m tired of listening to drake and drinking wine alone bitches make.
A nigga want his bitch classy around his friends, you don’t gota be stuck up but you don’t gota be so down to earth they feel so comfortable to fart around you or talk in broken English n shit, your presence should still warrant those niggas to at least try and appear as gentlemen.
Niggas don’t want you to get so close to their guys that when they shake you y’all snap fingers or that they can just be touching you anyhow, nawwh, when you fortunate to be around his friends, you keep it classy, fuck their approval, you don’t need it, cos guess what, niggas don’t call they guys at midnight, twirling the phone line whine listening to Justin Bieber talmbout “Soo, what do you think about Kemi”
nah, it doesn’t happen, unless that nigga fucking that other nigga then you have no business fuckin with that nigga in the first place
this c_nt basket said 10 but only gave 8 so imma fill in the last 2 ..
its ur boy @TheChocl8Adonis aka Sexual Chocl8 aka Black Soldado aka CreepSupreme aka Mr GetYourAuntieMoist ...AckLykYeauxKneaux
the homie ologoshilekun has written some good sht above, I dont agree with everything he wrote but at the end of the day hes sharing his opinion....cant fault that
My 1st is this, don't put ur gfs before him
if your girlfriends mean so much to you that what they say is causing quarrel between you and your man, one of 2 things can happen:
(a) He will get a strong team of prayer warriors and one by one they will all start doing atilogu dance as the heat of Holy Ghost fire begins to rest upon them
or (b) Hes gna break up with u, but only to make sure you have enough time to spend with them to chat breeze about how men ain sht to your hearts content and beyond
The 2nd is; KEEP IT REAL.
After Love and the Most High, the strongest foundation you can build your relationship on is Truth,
Dont pretend to be something you cant sustain, from the physical to the emotional.
A lot of people are taking medication for migraines, stomach aches..and malaria dealing with high expectations created by their inabillity to trust their significant other with their flaws and insecurities,
But its pointless asking you to be honest wth someone else, if you cant be honest with urself.
Do some soul-searching; find out what you're really looking for, untangle the needs from the wants.
Dont have false expectations, if your intuition tells you your most outstanding qualities to him are your ass and your boobs, he only calls you when hes outside, and he never wants to be seen with u in daylight or amongst friends...but the sex is great....
or..
If his most outstanding qualities are physical, and you're just using him to fill a void, it was only meant to be temporary,and when ur friends ask like the Mario hymn u say hes just a friend...but the sex is great..
even octopus paul cant predict a wedding coming from that..
Dont hide from the truth, accept it and if thats what you want or need for yourself at that time then accept that , but if you have a problem with it find the courage to change, find beauty in urself ..and that one thats meant for you will see it too.
Dont try and be a bad bitch, be a queen...embody the qualities of grace, humility and unselfishness and soon the right man for you will fall to one knee in front of you
but if all that dont work, just marry the one who text you back the fastest
Peace and Chicken grease
Written by @Ricokomasta
Other contributors @TheChocl8Adonis
edited by @TheChocl8Adonis
