Hey guys,

Its me.. @thechocl8adonis

Some of u are currently playing that side-chick role and I just want to use this article to address ur situation.

Truth is for anyone to know they are second best and be okay with that ...it takes a special kind of person, a person who is just a little bit... fucked up, inside.

For a woman that's even harder to fathom, but listen if it sounds like I'm judging, I really am. But I apologise let's move on.

So if ure in a similar situation but ure NOT okay with it and think ure doin enough to deserve a promotion but its just not happening, before u call that herbalist/native doctor/spiritual surgeon u found on gum tree, maybe I can help.

U, like your other apathetic counterpart are also considerably fucked up in ur mental psyche to go after anothers man but I'm not here to lecture u, but that sht really cray.

If u really really believe you are in love with this person and the usurper of ur position doesn't love him like u can be capable of, that sht still kinna cray, but  this might be of some assistance.


NB if u think u are a "sidechick" to a celebrity u have given urself double promotion, sorry boo the correct term for you is: 'groupie'. Note I didn't even capitalize the "g".

Now moving swiftly along a few reasons why a man could make u a sidechick:

Reason 1: are u always available and eager? Have u made it clear to homeboy that u like him? Have u fallen ur hand by making the first move in a way u couldn't recover from?. Did u lay it all on the line only for him to reject u? Do u have a banging body but a somewhat disagreeable face? When u smile does it look like someone hit u in the face with a brick? Do u have a tremendous igbo/yoruba accent?

I know I said reason 1 and ended with like 16..but the point I'm makin is: whatever the reason is, its not as important as these next steps which just might save ur life and rescue your self esteem.

Now if you raised your hand indicating that any of those points outlined above applies to u, just try and fasten ur seatbelts and just hold on tight.

Before we start let's do some affirmation excercises.
 Insert your native name here:__________ you deserve the best.
 _________ you are not the second best!
___________ you are a winner! 
Winner! 
Winner!
 Winner! 
Winner!

Depending on how u feel  you can jump at the end or you can run through your house in slow motion envisioning yourself crossing a finish line.
Take it very seriously.

So first thing u do to move up in the rankings is:


EVERYTHING his girl doesn't do for him.

If his girl stresses him out you gotta be the one to listen to him, let him vent. Don't bother him with talk about emotions, how u feel, don't give him that headache. When/if he asks you smile at him and stroke his face or some other action that conveys mystery.
Build him up with your words, encourage him. If that man wants to build an aeroplane out of cereal boxes, biggup that plan,tell him its the best one uve ever heard. Atleast till u get to that wifey position then u can tell him what a fool he has always been.

Second thing u do after pampering his ego is pamper his body. Give him massages, headrubs...tongue massages at the drop of a dime. Halftime when he's watching the game, then make him a sandwich, cliche but that sht really give a nigga smn to brag about...and u know how us men love bragging.

Thirdly that sex gotta be on some energetic sht, all those techniques you learnt doing zumba/pilates/Salsa/Poledancing..whatever class u enrolled in to enable your inner heaux to prosper..this is your moment sweetie. Everytime you fuck him like its the last time, u gotta have a headband on and some lucozade at hand when ure riding and some techno or motivational music in the b/ground to help u stay fully focused.
You know his girl is just laying there counting to 60 so your job when he's with you is to make that 60, count.

Next, this one right here is gonna rescue u from mediocrity. Never let him see u not looking sexy.
That sht u women do the morning-after, when we wake up and u say good morning n we look beside us and wna call the police.
 Nah you gotta wake up one hour before him if it comes to that to make sure everything is as it should be, this sht is hard work babe, how bad do you want it?

At this stage you don't have to tell him he needs to be with you, he knows already.

This is when you give him the snake bite.
You make yourself increasingly more scarce. Make your meetings few and far between and say you just got stuff on your mind.
Make him realise that ur world don't revolve around him, make him feel replaceable. Give him enough to still keep him interested, but not enough to leave him fully satisfied.

I may have given too much away, they might come after me. One of you gotta take me in for the night. DM your appreciation and details

lol only kidding

Anyways follow these steps and ure gna have him eating out the palm of your hand in no time, but remember what type of foundation you built the relationship on and consider its sustainability.

If that ain you ure not gonna be able to keep it up and side chick ways turn to main chick ways and soon another sidechick is scheming on replacing you.


Yall doing this to yourselves...

.. on that cheerful note I bid you all adieu.

(To anyone this article may have offended, u just gotta try and have a warm mug of horlicks ...itll help u relax)

Cheers